


If I Had a Hammer

by Tallulah_Rasa



Series: Crossing Streams [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Stargate SG-1, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-09 00:29:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1962072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallulah_Rasa/pseuds/Tallulah_Rasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not like General O'Neill to joke about a lost ally.  Or, for that matter, Norse mythology.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Had a Hammer

**Author's Note:**

> Another in a series of unrelated crossover ficlets.

Sam’s hug spoke of too many months spent in different galaxies, but when she stepped back she was all business. “I’m glad you could come,” she said over the sound of the Gate shutting down. “I wasn’t sure what we were dealing with.” 

“It wouldn’t be the first time one of us was compromised,” Daniel said, automatically falling into step with Sam as they both – also automatically, and why not? –headed toward the SGC commissary. 

“You’re thinking mind control? I have to admit, I thought maybe some sort of alien impersonation. I mean, it’s not like the General to joke about Thor, after what happened to the Asgard.” 

Daniel winced. “The message I got from him said I should come see Thor’s hammer. That’s not just a joke, it’s a joke about Norse mythology.” He gave her a look full of meaning. 

“You’re right,” Sam conceded, grabbing a piece of lemon chiffon pie from the line, and pointedly adding a sandwich to the slice of chocolate cream pie on Daniel’s tray. It was clear he wasn’t eating enough on Atlantis; she was going to have to talk to someone about that. “It can’t possibly be him. Teal’c’s stuck on Chulak; we’ll have to go to DC ourselves and…” 

“And…?” 

“We’ll think of something,” Sam said. 

“It would be easier if it were Jack,” Daniel said as they sat down at what used to be their regular table. “His knees are bad; he’d be easier to take out than an alien.” 

Sam didn’t bother pointing out that if it were Jack, they wouldn’t need to take him out. “You don’t suppose…Thor couldn’t really be alive, could he? I mean, well – didn't he die?” 

Daniel stopped with a laden fork halfway to his mouth and looked patiently at her. 

“Wrong person to ask,” Sam acknowledged. “What was I thinking?” 

….. 

Twenty-four hours later saw them in the lobby of the Pentagon, where their plans to slip past security were somewhat derailed when Jack ran into them on his way back from lunch. He stared at both of them for a moment, a leaking bag of Chinese food in one hand. 

“If you’d told me you were coming, I would’ve gotten the Kung Pao chicken,” were Jack’s first words. 

“We were…alarmed by your message,” Sam said carefully. 

Jack thought about that. “Because I mentioned Thor?” 

“Was that some kind of code?

“No, that was—look, your timing's good, you can come to my office and see for yourself,” Jack said, still appraising them with that careful look they’d all developed after multiple run-ins with alternate versions of themselves. After a moment he nodded, ushered them past security and onto an elevator, punched in the appropriate code, and waited, apparently relaxed, as the car slowly rose. Sam and Daniel stood on either side of him, checking for signs of alien virus, while Jack tried to keep Mongolian Beef from dripping onto his shoes. 

“How do we know you’re really you?” Daniel finally asked, frowning. 

“You don’t recognize me? You haven’t been gone that long,” Jack said as the elevator came to a stop. 

“The Jack I know wouldn’t make jokes about Norse mythology,” Daniel said as they scrambled off the elevator, Sam and Daniel carefully flanking Jack. “The Jack I know doesn’t know any Norse mythology.” They stopped outside a door neatly lettered with GENERAL J. O’NEILL, HEAD, HOMEWORLD SECURITY, and after a moment of slightly out-of-practice choreography Jack handed his lunch to Daniel and then leaned in for a retinal scan. 

“What joke?” Jack asked as the door opened. “Ladies and Gentlemen of SG-1, I’d like you to meet Thor, God of Thunder, lately of Asgard, currently of Avengers Tower in New York City.” 

Thor, looking very much like the hero of a Norse myth, or perhaps a romance novel, hefted Mjolnir and bowed. “It is my great pleasure to meet the mighty warriors of SG-1,” he announced. 

“Wow,” Daniel said. 

“Damn,” Jack groused. “I was sure you were going to say ‘fascinating.’ I owe Sheppard twenty bucks.” 

“Um…Un hvilken vei til biblioteket?” Daniel stammered. 

“I regret to say I do not,” Thor said regally. 

Jack sighed. “Forty bucks. Because of course you speak…” he waved a hand, encompassing the room, or Daniel’s brain, or perhaps just life, “Asgardian.” 

Daniel’s made a face. “It’s not exactly…I once took a couple of classes in Norwegian, that’s all.” 

“So you asked him…?” 

“Uh…if he knows where the library is,” Daniel admitted. 

Jack narrowed his eyes. “Tell the truth. That’s all you ever said on every planet we ever went to, isn’t it?” 

“Please don't answer that,” Sam said, as Thor looked on with what was, even in an alien, a bemused expression. 

“It worked, didn’t it?” Daniel muttered as Jack turned back to Thor, looked up, looked down, peered at Thor's hammer, and shook his head. 

“So anyway,” Jack said to the room at large, “Thor here says that little problem with the Chitauri a while back had nothing to do with the SGC--” 

“I told you I didn’t touch anything,” Daniel broke in. 

“It was a logical assumption,” Jack continued smoothly. “But now the Chitauri – what’s left of them – are pissed, and their allies are scoping us out, and so we may need the SGC to…” 

"Ask if they know the way to the nearest library?” Sam asked. 

Daniel gave her Betrayed Look #5. Jack choked back a laugh. Thor frowned. 

“I do not think,” he said, gesturing in a way that made his cloak billow across the small office, nearly knocking over a model of the Gate made from Play-Dough some years ago by Cassie Fraiser, “the Chitauri and their allies do much reading. They are no better than bilgesnipe.” 

Jack and Sam looked at Daniel. “Bilgesnipe?” Jack mouthed. 

“They are disgusting,” Thor said. 

“Guess we’ll have to think of something else, then,” Jack said. 

“Indeed,” Daniel said. 

“I’ve got a zat in the car,” Sam offered. 

“Those are formidable weapons,” Thor said approvingly. 

“Well, then, we’ve got a start,” Jack said. “The Earth-Asgard Alliance--” 

“Midgard-Asgard Alliance,” Daniel and Thor corrected together. 

“In Protection of Earth and/or Midgard,” Jack continued, “was first broached in Washington, D.C. in 2012. I guess our next move is to share Mongolian Beef.” 

“I believe shawarma is called for,” Thor said solemnly. 

“That’s pretty much universally acknowledged,” Daniel agreed. 

“I know a place on K Street,” Jack said, standing up. “Let’s go.”


End file.
